Executive Board:
John Grosz, President
Ryan Brech, Vice President
Steve Mathis, Treasurer
Brian Martin, Secretary
Open, West River Rep.
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Both Parents Are Needed to Nurture Growing Child
In Yankton Press and Dakotan: October 27, 1999 - Written by Steve Mathis
Thank you Kathleen Parker for speaking the truth in your editorial, "Divorced Fathers Ready To Wage a Revolution". I am a divorced parent who has had and strongly desires to continue having a close and loving relationship with my two children, yet I continue to experience the struggle of many non-custodial parents who are stripped of their full-time parenting roles and compelled to have "visitation" with their children. The fact remains, children need BOTH parents for their physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. Children have the right to shared parenting, equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided and nurtured by both parents, the right to have decisions made by the use of both parents' wisdom, judgement and experience. Children do not forfeit these rights when the parents divorce.
Unfortunately, every year, a multitude of family members lose their homes, their children, their life savings, their jobs, their future income and their dignity fighting in our court system to win control of their children. These assets end up being spent on mediators, assessors, mental health personnel, real estate agents and lawyers. Regardless of whether the Father wins or the Mother wins, the children are guaranteed to lose. Often a custodial parent uses their advantage as the primary parent to alienate the children from the other parent to destroy the relationship between the children and the other parent. The loving relationship that a child once shared with two parents is destroyed by one parent abusing their custodial control or seeking revenge on the other parent without any thought of what is in the best interest of the child. It is clear, as we move into the year 2000 and in light of the breakdown of families in our world today, that both parents should affirmatively assist and encourage each other's efforts to have a strong parenting role in their children's lives.
It is my belief and the belief of a significant number of parents across the nation, that shared parenting should be the law. Shared parenting is in the best long- term interest of the child and equal shared parenting (joint physical custody) is more beneficial to children than joint legal custody or sole custody. Shared parenting has many other benefits. For example, it promotes true gender equality, significantly reduces conflict in court, eliminates the concept of "visitor" and "visitation", reduces the incentive to litigate due to a shared parenting standard, reduces child access problems and reduces the abuse of the legal system.
Presumptive shared parenting is the law in several states. These states have concluded that if both parents are fit and have the ability to rear their children, joint legal custody and equal periods of physical placement are fundamental rights of each parent and child. South Dakota has no such law and the courts do not appear to advocate for shared parenting in their guidelines or decisions. I believe it is time for this to happen in the State of South Dakota. Thus, a revolution? This makes intuitive and moral sense to me. How about you?
If you would like to be a partner in establishing a South Dakota Coalition which believes that Children Need Both Parents in the aftermath of divorce, please contact me at (605) 665-3750. Together, we can make a difference!
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