My story - negotiations

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Baron</div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="THE SOUTH DAKOTA COALITION FOR SHARED P"><U><B>HOME</b></U></A><B>  </b><A HREF="id285.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Truth"><U><B>The Truth</b></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <I><B>I am not in the habit of sharing information from my personal life, especially when it involves my children and their mother.  However, these are exceptions and I believe, reflect the reality of the "custody system" in South Dakota.</b></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Example 1:</b></div> <bR> <div> I want to comment on something you mentioned to me regarding "negotiating" and "compromise".</div> <div>  </div> <div> When I was separated from my spouse, I negotiated for over a year to be able to equally share in the raising of our children. I spent thousands of dollars in attorney costs for this negotiating, money better spent towards building up my home for my children. My spouse at that time refused mediation.</div> <bR> <div> The problem was, I was negotiating from a standing of weakness or less than the standing of the mother. We were negotiating from the basis of the South Dakota Visitation Standards parenting schedule which permits the traditional schedule of 4 overnights per month and 1 - 2 "visits" per week. The negotiated results ended in her saying "no" to equal shared parenting (equal overnights) and my "being allowed" the visitation standards (including one "visit" per week) and as a bonus, I was <I>allowed</I> to take my son to Boyscouts the other night of the week (since, my son has left boyscout). </div> <bR> <div> Did I take it to court? In retrospect, I should have as I see that fathers are increasingly getting custody. However, I had spent enough money, my attorney indicated this is the best I would get and I didn't want my children to feel the tragedy of litigation. I knew I had been and continue to be a great father to my children and was an equal caretaker of my children. Yet, I knew what the odds were. Then add false allegations of abuse of myself against my own daughter, restricted visitation and just going through the divorce process. There just wasn't enough strength left to fight. And here it remains. </div> <bR> <div> My situation is not unique. </div> <bR> <div> And now, we are suppose to negotiate again from the point of weakness with the government. Aren't we missing something here? This is primarily for the children of our state. In fact, we should probably be negotiating the issue that fathers are the better choice for custody after reviewing a sizable body of research supporting this. </div> <bR> <div> Same story, different day. </div> <bR> <div> I hope you understand where I am coming from and why I am somewhat upset. I understand the politics of this all, yet, it doesn't help my children and so many others around the state who do not have the equal involvement of their parents in their lives. </div> <bR> <div> Respectfully, </div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id288_m.htm" TITLE="My story negotiations"><U>Back to Top</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>