Proposed
South Dakota Shared Parenting Guidelines
The South Dakota Coalition for Shared Parenting – March 5,
2003
A powerful cause
of stress, suffering, and maladjustment in children of divorce is not simply
divorce itself, but continuing conflict between parents, before, during, and
after divorce. Similar conflicts can occur between parents who were never
married. To minimize harm to their children, parents should agree on a
parenting arrangement (See Appendix A and B), within 30 days following
separation, that is most conducive to frequent, meaningful and maximized
contact for the children with both parents, with as little conflict as
possible. The best arrangement is a detailed parenting agreement made by the
parents to fit their particular needs, is practical and, more importantly,
meets the needs of the children. If the parents are unable to agree, however,
the following guidelines will be used, unless a different schedule is court
ordered. A shared parenting arrangement will not be denied solely for the
reason that one parent opposes such arrangement. For most parents, these
guidelines should be considered as only a minimum direction for interaction
with the children. If the parents are unable to agree, they are
encouraged to seek additional assistance through knowledgeable family
counselors, psychologists, mediators or other sources of assistance to develop
a parenting plan for their children and to address cooperation for the best
interest of the children.
1. GENERAL
RULES
Parents should always avoid speaking negatively about one another
and should firmly discourage such conduct by relatives or friends. In fact, the
parents should speak in positive terms about the other parent in the presence
of the children. Each parent should encourage the children to respect the
other parent. Children should never be used by one parent to spy or report on
the other. Rules of conduct and discipline should be consistently enforced by
all, so that the children do not receive mixed messages about appropriate
behavior.
Children will
benefit from continued contact with all relatives and family friends on both
sides of the family for whom they feel affection. Such relationships should be
protected and encouraged. Relatives, like parents, need to avoid being
critical of either parent in front of the children. Parents should have their
children maintain ties with both the maternal and paternal relatives. In South
Dakota, grandparents have a legal right to reasonable time with their
grandchildren, if it is in the best interests of the grandchildren.
Usually the children will visit with the paternal relatives during times
the children are with their father and with the maternal relatives during times
they are with their mother. It is recommended that the parents prepare an
annual calendar of agreed dates so that both the parents and the children know
where the children will be during the coming year.
In cases where
both parents reside in the same community at the time of separation, and then
one parent leaves the area, thus changing the parenting time pattern, the court
will consider apportioning between the parents the children's travel costs
necessary to facilitate parenting time with the other parent. In apportioning
these costs, the court will consider such factors as the economic circumstances
of the parents and the reasons prompting the move.
1.1 Parental communication. Parents
should always keep each other
advised of their
home and work addresses and telephone numbers. Whenever feasible, all
communication concerning the children shall be conducted between the parents
themselves in person, or by telephone, at their residences, and not at their
places of employment.
1.2 Grade
Reports and Medical Information. Both parents shall receive grade reports and notices from
school as they are received and are equally authorized to communicate
concerning the child directly with the daycare, the school, and the children's
doctors and other professionals outside the presence of the other parent.
Unless there are abuse, neglect, criminal, or protection orders to the
contrary, both parents shall also be listed as the children's parent and as an
emergency contact with the daycare, the school, and all health professionals.
Each parent shall immediately notify the other of any medical emergencies or
serious illnesses of the children. Both parents shall, as soon as
reasonably possible, keep each other informed of all school or other events
(for example, church or sports) involving parental participation. If the
child is taking medications, either parent will provide a sufficient amount and
appropriate instructions will be conveyed to either parent.
1.3 Parenting
Time Clothing.
Both parents shall assure that the children have an appropriate supply of
children's clothing with them when at either parents and clothing shall be
returned clean (when reasonably possible), when the children return to the
other parent. Both parents shall keep the other parent informed as far in
advance as possible, of any special activities so that the appropriate clothing
belonging to the children may be sent.
1.4
Withholding Support or Parenting Time. Neither parenting time nor child support is to be withheld
because of either parent's failure to comply with a court order. Only the court
may enter sanctions for non-compliance. Children have a right both to
support and to parenting time, neither of which is dependent upon the other. In
other words, no support does not mean no parenting time, and no
parenting time does not mean no support. If there is a violation of
either a parenting time or a support order, the exclusive remedy is to apply to
the court for appropriate sanctions.
1.5
Adjustments in this Parenting Time Schedule. This schedule is to be understood as imposing specific
requirements and responsibilities; however, when family necessities, illnesses,
or commitments reasonably so require, the parents are expected to modify this
schedule fairly. The parent requesting modification shall act in good faith and
give as much notice as circumstances permit.
1.6 Parent's Vacation. Unless
otherwise specified in a court order or agreed by the parents, both parents are
entitled to a vacation with the children for a reasonable period of time,
usually equal to the vacation time the other parent takes with the children.
Both parents should plan a vacation during the time when the other parent is
not scheduled to spend time with the children.
1.7 Insurance Forms. The parent who
has medical insurance coverage on the children shall supply to the other parent
an insurance card and, as applicable, insurance forms and a list of
insurer-approved or HMO-qualified health care providers in the area where the
other parent is residing. A parent who, except in an emergency, takes the
children to a doctor, dentist, or other provider not so approved or qualified
should pay the additional cost thus incurred. When there is a
contemplated change in insurance which requires a change in medical care
providers and a child has a chronic illness, thoughtful consideration should be
given by the parents to what is more important, i.e., allowing the child to
remain with the original provider or taking advantage of economic or medical
benefits offered by the new carrier. When there is an obligation to pay medical
expenses, the parent responsible therefore shall be promptly furnished with the
bill by the other parent. The parents shall cooperate in submitting bills to
the appropriate insurance carrier. Thereafter, the parent responsible for
paying the balance of the bill shall make arrangements directly with the health
care provider and shall inform the other parent of such arrangements.
Insurance refunds should be promptly turned over to the parent who paid
the bill for which the refund was received.
1.8 Child
support abatement or Shared responsibility cross credit. Unless a court order otherwise
provides, support shall not abate or be cross credited during any period when
the children are with either parent.(South Dakota law allows for support
abatement or a Shared responsibility cross credit. See SDCL 25-7-6.14 and
25-7-6.14, respectively. However, no abatement or cross credit may be taken
unless there is a court order authorizing it.)
1.9 Missed Parenting Time. When
events beyond either parent's control, such as illness, prevent a scheduled parenting
time, a mutually agreeable substituted date shall be arranged, as quickly as
feasible. Each parent shall timely advise the other when a particular parenting
time cannot be exercised. Missed parenting time should not be unreasonably
accumulated.
1.10
Parenting Time - A Shared Experience. It usually makes sense for all the children to share the same
schedule. Having brothers and sisters along may provide an important support
for children. Infants have special needs that may well prevent a parent from
being with both infants and older children at the same time. Adolescents have
special needs for peer involvement and for some control in their own lives that
may place them on different schedules from their younger brothers and sisters.
Because it is intended that parenting time be a shared experience between
siblings and, unless these guidelines, a court order, or circumstances, such as
age, illness, or a particular event suggest otherwise, all the children should
spend time together with both parents.
1.11 Telephone Communication. Telephone
calls between parent and child shall be liberally permitted at reasonable hours
and at the expense of the calling parent. Each parent may call the children at
reasonable hours when the children are with the other parent. The children may,
of course, call either parent, though at reasonable hours and frequencies, and
at the cost of the parent calling if it is a long distance call. During
long vacations the parent with whom the child is on vacation should make the child
available for telephone calls every three days. At all other times, the
parent with whom the child is staying shall not refuse to answer the phone or
turn off the phone in order to deny the other parent telephone contact. If a
parent uses an answering machine, messages left on the machine for the child
should be returned. Parents should agree on a specified time for calls to
the children so that the children will be made available. A parent may wish to
provide a child with a telephone calling card to facilitate communication with
that parent.
1.12 Mail and E-mail Contact. Parents
have an unrestricted right to send cards, letters, packages, audio and
videocassettes or CDs to their children. Children also have the same right to
send items to their parents. Neither parent should interfere with this
right. A parent may wish to provide a child with self-addressed, stamped
envelopes for the child's use in corresponding with that parent. If the
child and the parent have Internet capability, communication through e-mail
should be fostered and encouraged.
1.13 Privacy of Residence. A parent
may not enter the residence of the other except by express invitation of the
resident parent, regardless of whether a parent retains a property interest in
the residence of the other parent. Accordingly, the children shall be
picked up and returned to the front entrance of the appropriate residence. The
parent dropping off the children should not leave the premises until the
children are safely inside. Parents should refrain from surprise visits
to the other parent's home. A parent's time with the children is his or her
own, and the children's time with that parent is equally private.
1.14 Special
Considerations for Adolescents. Generally, these guidelines apply to adolescents as well as
younger children. Nonetheless, within reason, the parents should honestly and
fairly consider the wishes of their teenagers. Neither parent should
attempt to pressure their teenager to make a parenting time decision adverse to
the other parent. Teenagers should explain the reasons for their wishes
directly to the affected parent, without intervention by the other parent.
1.15 Day Care
Providers. When parents
reside in the same community, they should use the same day care provider. To the
extent feasible, the parents should rely on each other to care for the children
when the other parent is unavailable.
1.16 Special
circumstances.
A. Child Abuse. When child
abuse has been established against either parent and a continuing danger is shown
to exist, all parenting time for that parent should cease or be allowed only
under supervision, depending on the circumstances. Court intervention is
usually required in child abuse cases, if either parent abuses a child.
B. Spouse
Abuse. Witnessing spouse
abuse has long-term, emotionally detrimental effects on children. Furthermore,
a person who loses control and acts impulsively with a spouse may be capable of
doing so with children. Depending the nature of the spouse abuse and the
time and circumstances of its occurrence, the court may require that an abusive
spouse successfully complete appropriate counseling before being permitted
unsupervised time with the children.
C. Substance Abuse. The children
should not be with a parent who is abusing substances.
D. Long Interruption of Contact.
In those situations where either parent has not had a continuing
relationship the child for an extended period, parenting time should begin with
brief periods and a very gradual transition to the parenting schedule in these
guidelines.
E.
Kidnapping Threats.
Parents who have threatened to kidnap or hide the children should have no
parenting time or only supervised parenting time.
F.
Breast-Feeding Child.
Forcibly weaning a child, whether breast-feeding or bottle feeding,
during the upheaval of parental separation is not appropriate for the physical
health or emotional well-being of the child.
G. A Parent's
New Relationship.
Parents should be sensitive to the danger of exposing the children too
quickly to new relationships while they are still adjusting to the trauma of
their parents' separation and divorce.
H. Religious
Holidays and Native American Ceremonies. Parents should respect their children's needs to be raised in
their faith and in keeping with their cultural heritage and should cooperate
with each other to achieve these goals. These goals should not be used to
deprive either parent of parenting time.
I. Other. The court will consider limiting or denying parenting
or changing custody of parents who show neglectful, impulsive, immoral,
criminal, assaultive, or risk-taking behavior with or in the presence of the
children.
2. PARENTING
TIME WHEN CHILDREN ARE UNDER AGE FIVE.
2.1 Children
Under Age Five Generally. Infants
(children under eighteen months of age), toddlers (eighteen months to three
years) and older preschool age children (three to five) have a great need for
continuous and frequent contact with both parents who provide a sense of
security, nurturing, and predictability. Generally, overnight parenting
time for infants and toddlers is not recommended unless each parent is bonded
to the child, has the appropriate home environment, lives in the same community
and is personally able to provide adequate physical care. The
following guidelines for children under age five are designed to take into
account children's developmental milestones and to maximize the amount of time
of the child with both their parents. Since children mature at different rates,
these may need to be adjusted to fit the child's individual circumstances.
2.2 Infants -
Birth to Eighteen Months.
Three, four-hour periods per week, which includes two - three overnights per
week.
2.3 Toddlers
- Eighteen to Thirty-six Months. Child spends maximized time, as much as practical in alternate
homes, with three or four overnights spaced regularly throughout the week.
This arrangement requires an adaptable child and reasonably cooperative
parents. It also requires consistency and stability in each home.
2.4 Children
in Day Care. In families
where a child has been in day care before the parental separation, the child
may be able to tolerate flexible parenting times earlier because the child is
more accustomed to separations from both parents. Either parent of a
child under age five should not place the child with a baby-sitter or day care
provider without providing the opportunity to parent the child to the other
parent.
2.5 Holidays. For toddlers and preschool age
children, when the parents live in the same or nearby communities, the parents
should alternate each year Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Year's Eve/Day,
so that the children spend equal time with each parent during this holiday
period. Other major and minor holidays and `No School; should also be divided
between the parents as practical.
3. PARENTING
TIME WHEN CHILDREN ARE OVER AGE THREE AND THE PARENTS RESIDE NO MORE THAN 100
MILES APART
3.1 Weekends. Alternate weekends from Friday after
school. To Monday morning. The starting and ending times may change to
fit the parent's and child's schedule. Or an equivalent period of time if
either parent is not available on weekends and the child does not miss school.
If Friday is a school holiday, the period begins when school is out on
Thursday; if Monday is a school holiday, the period ends when school begins on
Tuesday. In addition, if time and distance allow, one or two overnights per
week. All transportation for the midweek parenting time is a shared
responsibility of both parents.
3.2 Mother's
Day - Father's Day. The
alternate weekends will be shifted, exchanged, or arranged, so that the
children are with their mother each Mother's Day weekend and with their father
each Father's Day weekend. Conflicts between these special weekends and
regular parenting time shall be resolved under Paragraph 1.9.
3.3 Summer. One-half of the school summer vacation.
The time may be consecutive or it may be split into two blocks of time. If a
child goes to summer school and it is impossible for either parent to schedule
this parenting time other than during summer school, that parent may elect to
take the time when the child is in summer school and transport the child to the
summer school session at the child's school or an equivalent summer school
session in either parent's community.
3.4 Winter
(Christmas) Vacation. One-half
the school winter vacation, a period that begins the evening the child is
released from school and continues to the evening of the day before the child
will return to school. If the parents cannot agree on the division of
this period, one parent shall have the first half in even-number years.
Holidays, such as Christmas, are extremely important as times of shared
enjoyment, family tradition, and meaning. Families should work out ways
for the children to spend part of each important holiday at both homes. Parents
will alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas Eve shall begin
at Noon and end Christmas Day at 10:00 a.m. Christmas Day shall begin at
10:00 a.m. and end at Noon, December 26. Parents will alternate New
Year's Eve and New Year's Day on a similar time schedule.
Holidays. Parents shall alternate the
following holiday weekends: Easter, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, Labor Day
and Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving will begin on Wednesday evening and end on
Monday morning; Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends will begin on Friday and
end on Tuesday morning; Easter weekend will begin on Thursday evening and end
on Tuesday morning; the 4th of July, when it does not fall on a weekend, shall
include the weekend closest to the 4th.
3.6.
Children's Birthdays. Like
holidays, a child's birthday shall be alternated annually between the parents. If
the birthday falls on a weekend, it shall extend to the full weekend, and any
resulting conflict with regular parenting time shall be resolved under
Paragraph 1.9. If the birthday falls on a weekday, it shall be celebrated
during the day and the child shall spend an overnight with the parent.
3.7. Parents'
Birthdays. The children
should spend the day (including overnight) with the parent who is celebrating
his or her birthday, unless it interferes with either parent's scheduled time
during a holiday or vacation.
3.8.
Conflicts between Regular and Holiday Weekends. When there is a conflict between a
holiday weekend and the regular weekend parenting time, the holiday takes
precedence. Thus, if either parent misses a regular weekend because it is
the other parent's holiday, the regular alternating parenting schedule will
resume following the holiday. The parents are to make up missed weekends
resulting from holiday conflicts.
3.9. Notice
of Canceled Parenting Time. Whenever possible, either parent shall give a minimum of
three-days notice of intent not to exercise all or part of the scheduled
parenting time. When such notice is not feasible, the maximum notice
permitted by the circumstances, and the reason therefore, shall be provided to
the other parent. If one parent cancels or modifies the other parent's
time with a child because the child has a scheduling conflict, that parent
should be given the opportunity to take the child to the scheduled event or
appointment.
3.10. Pick Up and Return of Children. When the
parents live in the same community, the responsibility of picking up and
returning the children should be shared. Usually one parent will pick up
and the other parent will return the children to that parent's residence. The
person picking up or returning the children during parenting times has an
obligation to be punctual, arriving at the agreed time, not substantially
earlier or later. Repeated, unjustified violations of this provision may
subject the offender to court sanctions.
3.11. Additional
Parenting Time. The
children's time with both parents should be liberal and flexible. For
most parents, these guidelines should be considered as only the minimum and are
not meant to foreclose the parents from agreeing to such time-sharing with the
children as the parents find reasonable and in the best interests of their
children at any given time.
4. PARENTING
TIME WHEN CHILDREN ARE OVER AGE THREE AND THE PARENTS RESIDE MORE THAN 100
MILES APART
4.1 Extended
Parenting Time. All but
two weeks of the school summer vacation period and, on an alternating basis,
the school winter (Christmas) vacation and spring break.
4.2 Priority
of Summer Parenting Time. Summer
parenting time with either parent takes precedence over summer activities (such
as sports), when the parenting time cannot be reasonably scheduled around such
events. Even so, the conscientious parent will often be able to enroll
the child in the same or similar activity in the parent's community.
4.3 Notice. At least 60 days advance written notice
should be given of the date for commencing extended summer parenting time, so
that the most efficient means of transportation may be obtained and the parents
and the children may arrange their schedules. Failure to give the precise
number of days notice does not give the either parent the right to deny
parenting time.
4.4
Additional Parenting Time. Where distance and finances permit, additional parenting time, in
order to maximize the time between both parents should be provided, as
practical and liberal parenting time shall be accommodated. This may
include more frequent parenting time weekends during the school year. .
If necessary, children can miss some school to spend time with either
parent, so long as it does not substantially impair the children's scholastic
progress.
________________________________________________________________
APPENDIX A
The following
areas may be considered when developing a parenting plan that best meets the
needs of the children.
The wishes of the child's parents as to
parenting time and the proposed parenting plan submitted by both parties;
The wishes of the child if he or she is sufficiently
mature to express reasoned and independent preferences
The interaction and interrelationship of
the child with his or her parents, his or her siblings, and any other person
who may significantly affect the child's best interests;
The child's adjustment to his or her
home, school and community;
The intention of either parent to
relocate the principal residence of the child;
The demands of parental employment;
The past parenting history of the intact
family;
The mental and physical health of all
individuals involved, except that a disability alone shall not be a basis to
deny or restrict parenting time;
The ability of the parties to encourage
the sharing of love, affection and contact between the child and the other
party;
Whether the past pattern of involvement
of the parties with the child reflects a system of values, time commitment, and
mutual support;
The physical proximity of the parties to
each other as this relates to the practical considerations of parenting time;
The ability of each party to place the
needs of the child ahead of his or her own needs;
The capacity and disposition of the
parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other
remedial care and other material needs.
The willingness and ability of each
parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child
relationship between the child and the other parent.
Conviction of domestic violence, child
abuse, drug related offences, etc.
APPENDIX B
An adequate parenting
plan should address the following areas:
Medical, dental, vision care,
psychiatric, other mental health care
Education
Changing of surname
Religious training
Insurance
Decision making responsibility
Resolving disputes
Exchanging information
Residential arrangement
Parenting time arrangement
Maintaining Contact when the children are
with the other parent
Child care
Relocation
Holidays and vacations
Special occasions and family events
Outside activities, Grandparents,
relatives and important friends
Transporting the children
Improving transition times
Treating each child as an individual
Parenting Styles and Values, Consistency
in Raising children
Undermining the parent/child relationship
Denying Access to the Child
When a parent needs to develop parenting
skills
When nonrelatives live in the home
When parents have new partners
Labeling the Residential Arrangement
Separating Adult relationship issues from
parenting issues
Making Changes to the Parenting Plan
Explaining the agreement to the children
Death of a parent